Compassionate Listening as a Practice
A reflection offered by CYFM Minister, Dana Hale
Over the past year, I have visited a retreat house twice and stayed in the same room. A children’s book called The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld sits propped up on a desk in the corner. I love children’s books for their resourceful ability to portray abstract issues in ways that we can more easily digest. They often boil things down to their simplest, truest form after grown-ups have complicated them.
In The Rabbit Listened, a little boy named Taylor builds an amazing tower, then SWOOSH!! It all gets knocked down. He is alone and upset, and a parade of animal friends come along to offer various suggestions. They encourage Taylor to:
talk about it
shout about it
rebuild it
laugh about it
ignore it
clean up the mess
knock down someone else’s tower
… but Taylor didn’t want to do any of those things. Then a rabbit inched closer and sat quietly next to Taylor, offering its quiet, warm presence. Taylor eventually felt like talking about the tower, and the rabbit listened. When the time was right, Taylor felt ready to rebuild the tower.
We are often quick to offer solutions and advice when someone shares a problem with us. For some of us, it may feel nearly impossible to keep ourselves from going into “fix it” mode. Jumping straight to solutions bypasses the need to feel heard and seen. It doesn’t leave room for us to sit with each other and offer the comfort of our presence. The listening and waiting gives us a chance to process our feelings and may even allow other important things to surface. The Living Compass reflection from March 8th says, “As we practice compassionate listening, we are better able to listen beneath surface emotions and appearances to the deeper places where we, and others, are hurting. Prayerful listening from that deeper place opens our hearts and minds to the pain and distress, our own and others, that otherwise might go unnoticed.”
As a listener, we will not have all of the answers for someone who is hurting, and that’s okay. By listening with compassion, we may hear what these “deeper places” are saying: “I’m lonely,” “I’m overwhelmed,” “I’m scared.” When we pause and offer our presence, we help each other feel less alone, we provide space for healing, and we may even get to witness someone rebuilding their amazing tower.
Continues TONIGHT and every Wednesday night in March from 7 – 8:00/8:30 PM through Lent: Adult Learning Series with John Rybicki
in person or on Zoom
“A God of Compassion throughout Scripture”
Room 146 or on Zoom
Meeting ID: 849 7351 9512
Passcode: 779218
DIal In: 301 715 8592
Worship every Sunday at 10am, in person and livestreamed!